Tyler has a last name — but that’s not for your files. Rather, you will know him as the Metal Golem, breather of fire and splitter of tongues, stabber of septums and sternums, lancer of lips and lobes, defiler of dicks and clits. Quite the lad, him.
He has a lair, as befits someone with such a profile. On the surface, it looks like a regular old house in Oakville, Ontario. There’s a sink and a coffee table, cupboards and couches. There’s even a kitten. But look a little deeper, and the evidence starts to pile up. Look at that unicycle, that book about Fakir Musafar. And check out the bathroom: There’s a sign above the toilet informing all defecators that they must close the lid before flushing, lest a legion of poo particles blast skyward and settle throughout the bristles of his toothbrush. Lair, indeed.
And now look at the Golem. Head shorn. Ears scalpelled and elongated. Tattoo of exposed muscle on his neck. Forked tongue. Hoodie. Pants.
Yes, the Golem is a tweaker of the strangest realm. You know that dude who had himself tattooed all blue in the pattern of a puzzle? His name’s Enigma. Golem toured North America with that guy and did some weird stuff — just a little human pincushion, just a little jumping into piles of broken glass. Maybe a coffee, probably black.
I could diminish Golem a little bit if I felt like it. Like, when we first met about seven years ago, he slept on my floor, the cheap dirtbag. But even supernatural creatures sometimes have it hard, and it’s impolite to jest.
Besides, I’m not here for that. I’m here to have four hooks pierced through the flesh of my back, the better to be hoisted off my feet and dangle from some rig that incorporates the limb of a tree in Golem’s backyard. Talk about entrepreneurial spirit, eh? Some people open coffee shops; Golem hangs them from hooks. You can’t diminish that.
A thing like that typically begets two questions. There’s a how, for sure, but, first up, there’s a why. Better let Golem explain.
“My interest in suspension initially was purely for reaching a new level of personal awareness,” declares Golem as onlookers run screaming to the comfort of their morning jogs. “Later on, I did a few suspensions in a performance setting. Though after doing these I always felt dirty, as in doing a suspension for the public eye and awe of it was taking away from the true meaning of suspension.”