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The Oscars, again

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Dust of your tux and have the butler bring out the Bentley, here comes the biggest night in Hollywood —The Oscars are Sunday March 2. The Academy is playing it safe this year (Ellen is hosting), but there are still a lot of kickass films on the ballot. And while it's no secret the Oscars are as much a fashion-driven celebrity marketing machine as they are an actual awards ceremony, we may as well play along. (Just don't come crying to me when these predictions don't win you any money — I think AMC's final season of Breaking Bad beats everything).

Best Original Screenplay

It should be Spike Jonze's Her, which was like watching four incredible movies all at once, but a lot of the Academy voters are old blue-hairs living in Palm Springs so they might relate better to the 70s-era hijinks of American Hustle.

Best Director

While I think it is a bit of a shame that Spike Jonze wasn't even nominated here, you still gotta give this one to Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity. Not everyone was as excited about the actual storyline but Cuaron invented totally new filmmaking techniques and kind of rewrote the game a bit here. Plus, at only 90 minutes, he told his story in way less time than all the other big filmmakers of the year.

Best Actor

This is the tight race. Leonardo Di Caprio really shone in The Wolf of Wall Street — those mid-scene soliloquies aimed directly at the camera were epic — but Di Caprio always shines and he never wins. On the other hand, Matthew McConaughey totally exemplified a positive career trajectory this year and he knocked it out of the park in Dallas Buyers Club. Chiwetel Ejiofor could easily win for 12 Years a Slave, but Hollywood loves to see its actors starve themselves for a role so I'm calling McConaughey.

Best Actress

Cate Blanchett really should win this one for her work in Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine. What makes it interesting is a lot of people hate Woody Allen these days (because it's looking more and more like he's some kind of deviant pederast) so Cate might suffer. I think the Academy will play it safe and give it to Amy Adams for American Hustle. Sandra Bullock is the dark horse but she already has a statue so...

Best Supporting Actress

Just give it to Jennifer Lawrence right now. She's hotter than the sun these days and if God were a real person he/she would have a J-Law poster taped up in his locker at school. Thing is, Lawrence inhabits roles so naturally it's almost scary to watch and then she's the realest player on the press circuit. 12 Years a Slave's Lupita Nyong'o is also very deserving, but I'd give it to Lawrence.

Best Supporting Actor

Not Jonah Hill. Give it to Jared Leto for cross-dressing in Dallas Buyers Club.

Best Picture

The Academy should give it to 12 Years a Slave. It's historical, true, poignant and timely. The ugly aftereffects of slavery still plague almost every aspect of American life, so films like this continue to be important beyond the stories they tell. Plus, Brad Pitt produced (he should get the lifetime achievement award for hooking Angelina).

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