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The end is near…

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I was watching Fear Factor on TV this week and in between feeling nauseous and inhuman it occurred to me just how far we’ve come. After watching a guy eat a live earthworm sausage I realized it’s only a matter of time before this type of dirty, devil television evolves into something much more serious. It won’t be long before we’ll be able to sit down with a bowl of home-made popcorn and watch people die on television. Reality can only get so real, right?

This of course reminds me of that classic film from 1987, The Running Man. Based on a story by Stephen King, The Running Man tells of a ’roided out cop, played by Governor Schwarzenegger, who is framed and forced to play a televised game show where death is the second prize. Of course there’s a girl involved and some shitty one-liners, but this may be Arnold the Politician’s best role in the ’80s. Watch it anyhow and see how creepily close we are to what was supposed to be a pessimistic view of the future.

Other than that there’s only one thing to say: all hail the king. That’s right, the third and final instalment of Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings, Return of the King comes out on Wednesday the 17 th . By far the greatest trilogy ever filmed, (sorry Star Wars but you’re just too juvenile) The Lord of The Rings movies have proven that not all the best stories have been seen. A dramatic lesson in loyalty, courage and humanity The Return of the King is the best movie of this year and probably next year too. Just go see it. It plays at Village 8, starting on Wednesday.

After that, well there’s not much to get too excited about. The menopause chick flick Something’s Got to Give is apparently about how older guys still get laid but older women don’t. I’d be lying if I told you I’ve seen it or considered wanting to. Jack Nicholson’s best days are behind him, unfortunately.

Also wasting your time this week is Honey , a hip hop movie starring a white chick as a dancer who has to choose between her friends or success. Of course there’s the usual crap – a video director hires her ’cause he wants to ball, her poor black boyfriend who really loves her, and everything else we’ve seen in Flashdance or Footloose or Fame. Basically Honey is digested and crapped out. Even teenage kids will see through this.

Stuck on You is the new Farelly Brothers’ movie about conjoined identical twins played by totally-not-identical Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear. The boys, although a great hockey goalie, can’t quite pull a solid comedy out of their ass. Decent, as the Farrely bros always are, but not amazing.

The funniest twin movie was not Twins , starring not-yet-convicted groper Arnold Schwarzenegger, but Dead Ringers a superb story of twin gynecologists directed by Canadian creepster David Cronenberg. Rent it now.

At Village 8 Dec. 12-18: Bad Santa, Honey, Something’s Gotta Give, Stuck On You, The Last Samurai, Timeline, Love Actually, Elf, Master and Commander, Cat in the Hat. Starting Dec. 17: Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

At Rainbow Theatre Dec. 12-18: Matrix Revolutions, Kill Bill

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