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Shocking news! Alamo destroyed by the girl next door!

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The plot thickens when her old porn producer shows up, because he misses her and wants her back in the business. Matthew and his dorky-yet-hilarious buddies must save the day and learn all those important lessons you need before you get out of high school. Like how to ball a porn star and what happens when you accidentally eat ecstasy.

It sounds like a standard 90-minute male fantasy for geeks but director Luke Greenfeld injects enough humour, surprise, and really good music (not current pop garbage crap but gems by The Who, Marvin Gaye, Sloan, and Muddy Waters) to ensure The Girl Next Door a spot as one of the year’s best films. Go see it even if it’s just to behold the amazing onscreen chemistry between Elisha Cuthbert (she’s from Calgary you know) and Emile Hirsch (who cares where he’s from but he’s a killer actor.) This movie’s tag line goes, "Is the juice worth the squeeze?" I say sure, drink it up.

Also opening is The Alamo a very historically correct film that’s so boring it seems to take longer than the 13-day battle upon which it’s based. Billy Bob Thorton is decent as Davy Crockett but the rest of the film is a crock.

Next on the chopping the block, The Whole Ten Yards, the sequel to that hitman/mobster comedy The Whole Nine Yards . The first one was popular, and the solid cast (Bruce Willis, Amamda Peet, Matthew Perry) are all back. Okay, Matthew Perry is not solid, nor was he in the first one, but he’s back and he’s taking his sissy, sappy Friends-character acting to hyperbolically bad levels in this movie.

Perry constantly falls down and runs into things until you really hope and pray someone would just shoot him and put an end to his chickenshitery. Unfortunately it doesn’t happen and you’re forced to suffer through this movie which is not nearly as funny as the original, which wasn’t that funny to begin with. My advice is skip this one, not worth the 12 bucks. Skip it on video too, not worth the $5.50. With luck The Whole Ten Yards will be playing on TV in a couple years and you can skip it there as well. Because, as we know, TV movies suck.

At Village 8 April 9-15: The Whole Ten Yards, Alamo, The Girl Next Door, Hidalgo, The Prince and Me, Hellboy, Home on the Range, Walking Tall, Ladykillers, Scooby Doo 2, Starsky and Hutch.

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