By G.D. Maxwell
Right at the beginning, Id like to say I have nothing against the RCMP. Okay, I guess you pretty much know where this is headed, dont you?
But this is an important disclaimer. Police in any civilized society do an important, often thankless job. This doesnt make them particularly different from other groups who do important, often thankless jobs, but the police do theirs with a gun strapped to their waists and that most definitely makes them different. It also makes them, at times, targets of other people with guns and an endless source of fascination in TV World, where they are grossly over-represented and seem to shoot bad guys and be shot at by bad guys about as often as you or I floss.
Truth be told, there was a time in my life when I gave serious consideration to becoming a cop. Of course, there was a time I also considered becoming a fireman and the jurys still out on a lingering passion to become a cowboy poet. Im fairly certain if I were willing to pay some shrink a hundred bucks an hour once a week for several years hed be able to convince me I became an umpire to sublimate my desire to be a cop. The power and discretions about the same but people only shoot their mouths off at umpires. Then again, Freud-Schmeud, maybe I just like baseball.
Be that as it may, I feel compelled to weigh in on the proposal for a full-time police liaison position currently being considered by the Myrtle Philip Parent Advisory Council.
DONT DO IT!
Now, as persuasive as capital letters might be, I have to assume they will not, standing alone, carry the day. So heres why I think this is not a good idea.
1. We have way too big a force already. I mean, lets face it, we live in Mayberry. Okay, maybe Mayberry on steroids but on a full-time basis, were closer to Andy and Barney than we are to the NYPD blues. Our problem is, of course, the influx of lawless outlanders who come up here for a good time and bring the thieving, riotous, big-city ways with them. Left to our own devices, local crime consists largely of smoking pot, flashing naughty bits at the nudie dock, drinking at softball games and garden variety traffic violations. Chief Wiggins and one deputy could keep the lid on local lawlessness.
So what we have is what the electric utility boys call spikes in the demand curve. Fairly predictable periods of deranged behaviour that peak at big events, notable holidays and bar closing time.