News » Whistler

Pique n' your interest

So many issues to resolve and only one column to do it in

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I started off this week writing a column about lift lines, powder days and how nobody seems to care about proper etiquette these days. I was going to talk about how the thin veneer of civilization is being pulled away as people butt in and merge improperly, and how we are one well-deserved ski pole in the derriere away from total chaos.

Then I started to write about this Atkins fad, and the insanity of any diet that forces your body to feed off the energy you have stored in your fat cells to keep you functioning. I was going to go into detail about the various objections that most dieticians and nutritionists have, about a new study that shows how safe weight loss is possible with high carb diets of whole foods like brown rice and apples, and about the general insanity of people believing that fast food can be healthy if it’s mostly meat. There are also some rather important ecological implications of a high-protein diet, and the fact that we are going to have to start producing more and more meat to feed Atkins disciples. That topic will have to wait for another time.

I also started a column about the corruption in the Canadian government through a federal sponsorship program, and how that pales in comparison to the deceptions south of the border regarding the war, 9/11, taxes, the deficit and the environment.

Other topics abandoned this week include:

• A realistic look at what Whistler could be doing to fill hotel rooms, giving up on our world class pretensions for a little while to embrace average families on budgets;

• A kinder, more politically correct title for ski bums to do for mountain people what the term "sanitation engineers" did for garbage men;

• A blow by blow account of what I would have done with that $32.5 million Super 7 Jackpot;

• A hilarious look at Valentine’s Day – the cruelty of children, the banality of gifts, and new sayings for those little candy hearts that taste like soap;

• The Super Bowl halftime show, and how I was outraged that I was so busy with my seven-layer dip that I missed the grand unveiling of Janet Jackson’s breast. How was Jackson’s pastie worse than Pink’s nipple tape-up job in her Just Like a Pill video, Britney’s new video where she’s covered in diamonds, or any video with Christina Aguilera in it? And why is this issue more important to Americans than war, taxes, the deficit, the environment, etc.;

• Mattel’s strange decision to break up Ken and Barbie after more than 40 years, her new Australian boogie-boarding boyfriend, and what young girls are supposed to learn from this.

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