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Australia Day: What the?

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G'day Whistler, what's doing? (This means: Hello, how are you? or Bonjour, comment ├ža'va?).

I'm in this column today to tell you a little bit about Australia Day and to explain some of the "occa Australianisms" you might be lucky enough to hear/witness come Jan. 26th.

But first I'll give you the low down and I'm going to do it as if I was telling a mate (friend) so you can get used to the language.

January 26 th is Australia Day because on that day in 1788 this bloke (guy) by the name of Captain Arthur Phillip, who later became Governor Phillip, unloaded his fleet of 11 ships in Sydney Harbour and officially settled the world's biggest island for the British Empire.

What a lot of people dunno (don't know) is that this fella (man) Phillip actually landed on Jan. 18 th but he didn't like what he saw so he decided to float his boats down the harbour a bit (tactically reposition the fleet into deeper and more protected waters).

This action hereby ended the reign, of about 40,000 years, that Australia's Aboriginals had enjoyed over our wide brown land. but that's another story.

Another thing a lot of people dunno is that Australia Day is not the most "patriotic" day for most Aussies.

Anzac Day, on April 25, which is like Remembrance Day, is probably the most important day for Australians and some Kiwis (New Zealanders) as well.

On Anzac (Australian and New Zealand Army Corps) Day we remember a WW I battle in Turkey.

It's famous because a bunch of Aussies fought together as mates, and not Pommy (British) subjects, for about three weeks and held an impossible line while the Poms, who were supposed to be running the show, were over on another beach drinking tea.

There's actually been a bit of a blue (argument) about this back home because some Pollys (politicians) want to combine Australia Day and Anzac Day.

Another good day is the Queen's birthday. To be honest, we really don't give a stuff about that sheila (lady) but we'll gladly take the day off and go shopping with our girlfriends or even drink more beer and watch/play sport.

Now hang on. don't think we don't appreciate our Pommy heritage, it's just that they're pretty irrelevant these days in Australia and they suck at sport. Hopefully, this will change now they've won the Rugby World Cup but most Aussies and, if you listen to them, most Poms, doubt it.

While we're on sport, I'll let you in on a secret a lot of people know but if they're not Australian they don't like to dwell on it: per capita Australia is the best country in the world at sport.

Check the Olympic medal tallies and then divide them by 19 million and you'll see for yourself that when it comes to sport Australia rules the planet.

The same rule applies to sports that have nothing to do with the Olympics because we have, or will shortly, lead the world in sports such as rugby league, rugby union, netball (a game mostly played by chicks [women] that's like basketball), cricket and surfing - to name a few.

(And if any of you Poms want to talk about soccer all I've got to say is: 3-1).

Anyway, enough about days for bludgers (people who take a lot of days off) and sport, lets talk more about the REALLY GROUSE (good) NEWS.

The grouse news is that Aussies fair dinkum (really) love Canada and Canadians.

We do think you're all a bit gay (odd) for putting your flag on your bag, and handkerchiefs and pencil cases when you travel. but other than that we love you (in a totally platonic sense; not that there's anything wrong with the other sense).

We have the best beaches in the world but Canada's definitely has the best mountains in the world.

But even without the mountains Aussies would come to Canada because you're so much like us - generally nice and laid back - which is why there's so many of us bummin' around Whistler.

And finally, I'll leave with a short note about what you're likely to see on Australia Day. some random and completely inappropriate behaviour, nudity, a plethora of Aussie flags, drunkenness, lots of people rolling around in snow with beer, an "Aussies v Lions" rugby match (at noon) on the golf driving range and large groups of people just wanting to say "G'day".

We're all pretty happy so there shouldn't be any blues (fights), but if you do see a couple of drunk Aussies belting each other there's no dramas (no problem); they're just remembering their forefathers and acting like convicts.

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