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I don’t know if I made things worse, but I definitely made the wounds bleed harder before I came to my senses.

I ran down the nearest street, and found an old man who was working in his garage. He brought some tools to the scene, and after about 10 minutes we managed to free Mike’s lip and take him to the hospital for stitches and a tetanus shot.

The scars from the incident are long gone, but the lip protrudes to this day.

The second incident occurred while a couple of friends were doubling to school on an old junker of a bike. Jay stood and pedalled while Chris sat on the seat looking bored.

They were coming down a hill that leads to my high school when suddenly the bike seat tilted backwards, dropping Chris onto the spinning tire.

Did I mention he was wearing thin shorts?

Chris landed on the tire, which grabbed ahold of his backside and propelled his crotch forward into the braking assembly. Once Chris’ own, and considerably more delicate, assembly was well into the brake system, the bike skidded to a sudden halt.

Jay flew over the handlebars onto the asphalt and rolled to our feet, but we didn’t pay much attention to him. Our eyes were on Chris, who was tipping sideways in slow motion, a horribly pained look on his face.

His assembly was jarred again when he fell, and with an anguished scream he quickly detached himself from the bike and curled up into the fetal position. We asked if he was okay and he told us in no uncertain terms to back off.

After about five minutes, he was on his way to the school nurse’s office. Five minutes after that he was on his way to the hospital. By then everybody in the whole school heard what happened.

Jay was pretty scraped up, but in the grand scheme of things he got off lucky. Chris was okay physically with a few awkward cuts and scrapes, but mentally? To my memory I never saw him on a bike ever again.

The moral of these stories? Wear a helmet, preferably one with a face shield. You also might want to tighten your bike seat now and then.


The first words that came out of my mouth are not publishable under Canada’s obscenity laws.

The second words were "Whoah," followed by an "Ow!"