Opinion » Maxed Out

Maxed Out

All the news for April 1



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But completely unfounded rumour has it that the wizards at Intrawest’s Dominate the World’s Playgrounds division, led by the illustrious monopolist Sloof Lirpa, are conspiring with Disney to, "Beat the pants off those Colorado ninnies." Leaked details of the deal include the quid pro quo of a sweet lifetime pass to all Disney resorts for Intrawest executives in exchange for the MotherCorp adopting Disney’s enlightened policies on grooming – no facial hair for men, mandatory virginity for women – and frequent drug testing of all employees with a zero-tolerance for anything stronger than lemonade.

Alone in bucking this alliance of convenience is our own Dave Brownlie, Whistler-Blackcomb’s grand fromage. "Jeez," Dave is reputed to have exclaimed at a recent board meeting. "I mean, we’ve proven we can operate without snow and whatnot, but I don’t think even we’re good enough to operate without employees!"

In municipal news, a group of homeowners in Tapley’s Farm have banded together to irrefutably prove, once and for all, that those who are ignorant of history are indeed doomed to repeat it.

Perhaps unaware of the area’s history, or perhaps just comfortably ignorant, the impromptu group has come together to fight the Whistler Housing Authority’s plans to go forward with employee housing on two road-end sites in the subdivision. Citing, among other rationale, the area’s potential for flooding, impacts on property value, the underlying undesirability of employee housing in a family neighbourhood, the small Lorimer Road townhome development as evidence they’d "done their bit for employee housing" and, quite possibly, the fall of society as we know it, the group has been quick to say, "This isn’t just your run-of-the-mill nimbyism."

Twenty-five years ago, Tapley’s Farm became the site of the first large-scale employee-restricted housing experiment after a group of pioneering shitdisturbers banded together to pummel the sitting municipal council into submission. Recognizing they were building on a floodplain – which was easy to recognize when the whole place flooded in 1980 while they were installing services – extensive dyking was put in place. Price and employee restrictions were later fought successfully, resulting in Tapley’s becoming a neighbourhood of million dollar homes and a hotbed of nimbyism.

True to the spirit of the place though, a small and not very vocal group of residents have come together to support WHA’s proposal. Reached for comment on their neighbour’s opposition to developing the two sites, they said, "Ohmigod, some of us have become our parents. What a shame."

Also in municipal news, the Resort Municipality of Whistler has embraced two new triple-P initiatives designed to make up some of the shortfall in revenue resulting from (a) overspending and (b) the screw job Gordon "Rear-entry" Campbell’s government laid on it after reneging on its promised "financial tools" initiative, rebranded as the Spare Change Policy.