Opinion » Maxed Out

Maxed Out

Miss Communication and other correspondents



E-mail, not TripAdvisor or wearing nametags, like everyone does in Whistler, is the great leveller of modern society. E-mail is as close to effortless communication as we're likely to get... until something even easier we haven't thought of yet comes along or more of us become telepathic. No pen, no paper, no stamps, no forgetting to drop it in a mailbox, no waiting. Instant communication, with the bonus of misspellings and crimes against grammar the sisters in parochial school woulda worked you over with their blackjacks for - kinda like that sentence.

Okay, communication may be gilding the lily given what I find in my inbox most mornings. But the combination of hanging opinion out on the public clothesline each week and having your e-mail address published along with it invites response. It also invites abuse, opprobrium, invitations to take part in sure-fire investments of dubious pedigree and unwanted communication from drunks who either want to have your baby or declare jihad on you.

For example.... (Misspellings corrected and all references to dickhead changed by me.)


Dear G.D.:

Sometimes I agree with what you say. Mostly I think you're an idiot. Recently you scored a hat trick by suggesting we do the Bunny Hop, tame bears and let them wrestle drunks and open a casino. The Bunny Hop is stupid, bears are wild animals and should be left free and casinos only bring social problems to communities dumb enough to allow them. You're kidding, aren't you?

Name Withheld

ps. Get a real name.


Dear Name:

I'm assuming your ps was ironic but if it wasn't, thanks for the laugh. I couldn't agree with you more. The Bunny Hop is stupid. But really, isn't that the whole point? Having spent billions of dollars hosting the Olympics, I think the ship's already sailed on stupid and setting a world record for bunnyhopping down Whistler mountain simply follows in its wake... at a fraction of the cost. Besides, it's hard to get people excited about things that aren't stupid anymore; Rob Ford proved that in Toronto this week.

If you don't like my plan to turn garbage bears into tourist attractions and would rather have them killed, what can I say. You're a real bearitarian. How about this idea. We can at least recoup some of the cost of dealing with them if we hold a lottery and give the winning hunter the right to shoot them himself. Hey, what trophy hunter wouldn't pay a couple of grand for the opportunity to mount a bear head on his wall? Especially if the shot was a sure thing and he could book into a swish hotel for the night instead of a leaky camper?

Add a comment