Opinion » Maxed Out

Maxed out

Political primer

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But there are politics aplenty south of the border as the grim veil of the Dark Ages of Bush wind down to their grand finale, which will either see Georgie Porgie return to a life he both relishes and understands — clearing brush and riding his bicycle in Texas — or borrow a page from some of his more enlightened world leader friends, Pervez Mussharef comes immediately to mind, and declare martial law and appoint himself Ruler for Life under the terms of the new, lighter Constitution, or whatever’s left of it now that he’s managed to gut its more appealing features.

The presumed closure of the Bush Era has given rise to, well, hope. And while it’s true Barack Obama has actually copyrighted the word ‘hope’ as applied to the upcoming U.S. election, I use it here in its generic sense. If it seems to you as though the U.S. election has been going on for so long it must be over, take my word for it: it’s not.  

It’s nearly over for the Republicans. A varied and colourful field of potential presidential candidates — to the extend a group of old, white men wearing identical dark suits and saying mostly the same things can be called colourful — has been whittled down to just over one, but far short of two. The Republican contest has been the more interesting one.   Following on the general theme of the Bush Years, it’s most closely resembled a cheap, B-Grade horror movie. What everyone thought of as the leading man, Rudolf Giuliani, was killed off much earlier than everyone expected. In retrospect though, his demise was foreshadowed by thin dialogue — “Be scared; Remember Nine-Eleven.” — and the fact that nobody ever saw him outside the borders of Florida, itself known best as God’s waiting room.

The other standard-bearer for the GOP — Grumpy Old Party — was Mitt Romney. Mitt, short for Mittsy, never seemed to get much traction despite his uncanny ability to appear to be on all sides of every issue while staunchly upholding Party Dogma. In the end though, what everyone suspected was revealed: Mitt was, despite the disguise provided by actors pretending to be his wife and family, Barbie’s ex-boyfriend, Ken. Once this became clear, everyone suddenly understood why Mitt seemed to be a man with neither heart nor brain.