At least I think it was a dream. I remembered it when I woke up the other morning, but I can’t remember whether it was a dream, something I heard
Council for the Resort Principality of Whistler had debated and unanimously — now there’s a surefire sign this was probably a dream — passed a new by-law. It read, in part:
WHEREAS Whistler is peopled largely by thrill-seeking, athletic, hedonistic, transient youths, especially those who have lived here long enough to grow older without noticing; and,
WHEREAS Visitors to Whistler go out of their way to engage in activities they wouldn’t even think of doing at home and for which they have neither the skills nor the requisite degree of physical fitness; and,
WHEREAS many of the people described above — particularly in paragraph II — live under the delusion that any harm visited upon them must be somebody else’s fault; and,
WHEREAS there are too damn many lawyers in the world, particularly the USofA, particularly who work on a contingency basis and advertise on tasteless billboards along the Interstate that say: “BEEN HURT? SUE THE BASTARDS!”, and;
WHEREAS everyone operating a tourist-oriented business in Whistler is offering the chance to engage in an activity potentially harmful to the participants mental, physical or economic health,
IT IS HEREBY PROCLAIMED that Whistler is an inherently risky resort municipality. All people living in or entering the boundaries of Whistler hereby assume all risks arising out of any and all activities engaged in by themselves or others for the duration of their stay, or the amount of time it takes them to just pass through town.
At both ends of the resort boundaries, large signs were erected on Highway 99, one after another, each carrying one of the Whereases and the Hereby Proclaimed. And, like shrink wrapping on software, the final sign in the series stated that by passing it, you agreed to be bound by the terms and conditions outlined, otherwise, you should turn around immediately and seek another internationally famous resort municipality at which to spend your leisure.
Overnight, the conduct of business in Whistler was transformed. Thousands cheered, lawyers wept. Releases of Liability became obsolete and people were able to engage in outrageously dangerous activities like nude rollerblading, skiing without sunscreen, warp-speed mountain bike descents, shinnying up artificial climbing walls erected right next to real rocks, eating double scoops of full-fat ice cream, having unprotected sex and getting so drunk their pores sweated tequila, all without ever signing a Release of Liability or once hearing the word waiver, except as it related to their courage.