Opinion » Maxed Out

Maxed Out

Sex matters

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It’s another insignificant sex scandal.

A congressman from Florida — how sweet is that? — sent provocative e-mails to House pages, young boys. His inappropriate actions were brought to the attention of the Speaker of the House. Following the well-trodden path of the Catholic Church, nothing was done. Now, all hell’s about to break loose and the scandal could, quite possibly, determine the outcome of the midterm elections next month.

It doesn’t matter that the men in charge have reduced the U.S. to a ghost of its former self. It doesn’t matter that the ideological misadventure in Iraq has spawned a powerful new breeding ground for terrorism. It doesn’t matter… well, let’s fact it, nothing of substance matters. Sex matters.

And that is why men are the biggest problem with mankind. No matter how old we get, no matter how wise we get, no matter how powerful we get, no matter how rich we get, we never stop thinking with our dicks. It’s a lot easier and probably more accurate to explain things like the war in Iraq, conservatism in general, racial, religious and gender intolerance, the Olympics™, fast cars and big trucks, our general disregard for what is quickly becoming an environmental disaster, and just about every other ill of mankind as the result of men thinking with their dicks than it is any other explanation.

The solution is obvious. It’s time to step aside boys and let the girls run the world.

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