Opinion » Maxed Out

Maxed Out

Blandly into the future with Doughboy



Well, there’s no denying that a new day’s dawning for Canada. Unfortunately, it has all the makings of a dull, grey, drizzly, sunless day where we can look forward to eating stale leftovers washed down with weak, lukewarm coffee. Ummm, ummm good. Let’s tuck right in.

The new, tiny, minority government of Stephen Hapless and his band of merry conservative men delivered a Throne Speech with all the gustatory richness of boiled beef and mushy peas. Nothing for Everyone might have been the theme for Tuesday’s predictable display of historical insignificance. With a government in name only, a nation tired of treading political water but particularly weary of inconclusive elections, Little Stevie Blunder took no chances in charting the course of his government. Forget the maps, navigator, this ship ain’t goin’ nowhere.

So this is the chance the Reformers, Alliancers, Conservatives and Progressive Conservatives have been waiting 13 years for? Kind of makes a guy wish Big Jean Chrétien had decided to tough it out a few more years.

Conservatives Announce Bold Plan – Canada Sleepwalks Into Future the headlines might just as well announce.

Consider, if you will, the paradigm-shifting, envelope-pushing, outta-da-box brashness of Little Stevie’s Five-Step program for Canada.

Step One: Make government more accountable. To whom and for what, one wonders. If there is a constant in the political universe as immutable as gravity is in the physical world it is this: There ain’t no such thing as an accountable politician. Oh, there’s no denying it’s a quaint idea, one that resonates deep within the soul of every citizen who’s ever wondered how the chowderheads running the country could be so duplicitous, self-interested and wholly unaccountable except at election time when you know, deep down in your heart, every single lip movement brings forth another false promise.

But whatever smoke puffs up from the Conservatives’ efforts to make government more accountable is going to have come from mirrors, not fire. From their humble beginnings as Reformers to their current incarnation, the boys and girls of the current government are the heirs of good intentions. Those would be, in case you’ve forgotten, the good intentions to forsake those bloated, ill-deserved parliamentary pensions, perks and luxurious goodies eschewed by the early Reformers… virtually all of whom are drawing parliamentary pensions, riding around in limos, voting themselves raises… well, you get the picture.

But even if you grant them that particular fall from grace, trying to get your mind around Accountability on the one hand and David Emerson on the other is just not something a non-politician can do. Reconciling being strong on accountability and still embracing the turncoat, non-democratic, non-accountable actions of the Conserveral Mr. Emerson is a trick that makes turning lead into gold or harnessing cold fusion seem like a cakewalk. In other words, it calls into question this government’s willingness to even pay lip service to accountability, let alone make it a cornerstone of their Plan(sic).

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