Opinion » Maxed Out

Maxed Out

Reflections of a former "The man"

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"Don’t go there, J.J. That’s the last thing we need. No cartoons; no panini. That one’s off limits. Let’s just stick to mocking Christians’ beliefs; at least most of them have a sense of humour."

"It’s cool, Dude. Muslims don’t like cold and snow anyway."

"Correct me if I’m wrong Mr. CIA covert operative, but isn’t about half of Afghanistan and Pakistan hip deep in snow right about now."

"Whatever. But you’ve got to admit, the idea’s cool."

"Yeah, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted a Peter and Paul grilled cheese after some yoga and reflexology. I think you’ve got a winner on your hands with this one. Just one thing? With all the bidniz people in town moanin’ and groanin’ about how tough things are, how they aren’t making the dough they think they should and how so many of them are likely to go tits up this spring, what makes you think this idea is going to work?"

"I’m aligned, Dude. I’m so aligned I’m downright linear. They’re not aligned. They’re all over the place. They’re… they’re… unimaginative. Hell, anyone can go outta business with just another cheesy T-shirt shop or just another spa. You can’t cover the stick-em-up rents the dirtbag landlords are asking for commercial space around here with an out of date, unaligned business idea that’s as old and tired as that. I’m gonna have it all, Dude. Have it all and serve it up with Jesus paninis!"

"What exactly is panini, J.J.?"

"Uh… it’s kind of like… oh shit, look at the time. It’s later than I thought."

"It’s later than a lot of us thought, J.J. Good luck."