By G.D. Maxwell
Okay seekers, the most important thing to remember is this: You came to Whistler on your Spring Break to have Fun!
Sure, you may have thought you came to ski or board, but youre confusing tactics with strategy. Its fun youre after and its fun you shall have as long as you dont get too hung up on what weve come to call challenging ski conditions, challenging being a PR stand-in word for grotesque beyond description, historically without parallel and cue-up-the-four-horsemen Armageddonlike.
The first thing you may have noticed is our new decorating theme Earth Tones. Nice, in that organic, crunchie granola kind of way, dont you think?
The second thing you may have noticed is diehard skiers moping around humming Commander Codys classic, Stems and Seeds Again Blues . Pay them no heed; theyre overly focused on their own One True Path. Kind of like a Lab waiting to see if you drop your hamburger, pathetic.
But you came all the way from Onterrible or the far-flung corners of B.C. for Spring Break Fun. Lets get started. If youre a family, thisll be a grand opportunity for some Quality Family Time. Granted, it might extend to several more hours each day than youd planned, but think of all the fun things you can do together. Better think fast; youve got lots of fun hours to fill.
And if youre young, single and, momentarily, still sober, you didnt really come to ski at all. You came to score. Without wasting your time mindlessly pursuing powder lines, think of how much greater your chances of success not to mention your bar bill will be!
But if youre a diehard yourself, if your concept of a ski vacation is so narrow it doesnt include driving up to Pemberton to play a round of golf or going fishing in one of our ice-free lakes, if you cant embrace renting a bike and riding some single-track instead of renting skis and snorkeling pow whatever that is fear not. I feel your pain. Your concerns are my concerns. This probably isnt a good time to mention Im leaving town today to ski powder in Taos, is it? Heh, heh, heh .
For you, the few who just cant let go of the dream, Ive got the answer. No, its not swapping in your tickets and hotel and squandering your money on a quickie heliskiing trip, tempting though that may be. Its the Skiers and Boarders Twelve-Step Program.
The first step is simple. You have to admit you are powerless over the intoxicating allure of skiing and boarding. That should be simple. Youre here! If your jones for skiing didnt have complete control over your pathetic lives, youd be down on some beach in Florida or Mexico poisoning yourselves on tequila and unfiltered ultraviolet rays. But youre not. Youre here, fat skis and powder boards in tow, staring up at the mountains like a junkie searching an empty street corner for a dealer. Admit it; youre hooked.