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Maxed Out

Some (unasked for) advice for my niece

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And, how to say this, um, about romance. Consider university as strictly catch-and-release. There’s nothing more pathetic than married student housing unless it’s married students themselves. As much as it pains me to say this, any guy you meet at university who says he wants to marry you is just looking for someone to do his laundry. Drop the loser like a bad habit. Better yet, phone the local FBI office and tell them you think he’s part of a sleeper cell; they’ll get rid of him for you.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t share with you the single best "Drop Dead, Loser" line I ever heard. Unwanted advances come with the territory of being a gorgeous woman, which you are. Some guys won’t take no for an answer. Look those guys softly in the eyes and tell them, "Thanks anyway, Sugar, but I’ve already got one a**hole in my pants."

Don’t ask me how I know about that line.

While all this is going on, have fun. Find something you’re passionate about and make it your life’s work. Well, at least your early life’s work. Phone home, eat good food and don’t drink until you pass out. At least not often.

Sincerely,

Your absent but only uncle.

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