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Maxed Out

A New Era for B.C. Bud


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So, where does this leave us. Well, we’re not sure. In a typical case of Canadian Blind Justice, all the documents relating to the search warrants were sealed. The Mounties claim this Star Chamber secrecy is necessary to protect their endless, um, on-going investigation and, of course, to keep from embarrassing the usual gang of suspects.

But, as I said when I started this tour de fantasie, I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on around here. Slash Gordon can’t handle booze; we all know that. B.C. Bud™ is the third largest business in the province, trailing only political corruption and kiddie porn but well ahead of logging and tourism.

Paul Martin, having finally thrown off the shackles of living the frustrated dream of his dearly-departed father, is a closet hippie. Hey, the guy takes foreign policy briefings from Bono for chrissakes. Paul desperately wants to leave his mark on Canada before he’s revealed for the fraud he is or dies from arteriosclerosis hastened by too many $1,000-a-plate fundraising dinners.

And consider this tidbit. Unsubstantiated rumour has it the official Prime Ministerial limo was seen sporting an "I’m Packing The Bud" unofficial 2010 Vancouver Olympics bumper sticker.

Clearly Paul has turned Slash on to a better high, one he can maybe handle and drive at the same time. Slash, who will do just about anything to be even closer to real power, inhaled immediately. They’re both funding a covert effort to (1) get re-elected, (2) reduce the provincial and federal debt, and (3) court a hitherto overlooked constituency by siphoning drug money into politics, legalizing first pot then other drugs, and springing the newly-repackaged Canada: More Than Cool! on an unsuspecting world.

I’d have a good look at Slash’s luggage when he comes back from Maui if I were running Customs.