Opinion » Maxed Out

Maxed Out

We’re not responsible…

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By G.D. Maxwell

With television spawning such patent trash as Reality Anything, it’s probably pedantic to take them to task for simply misusing words but I’m getting more than a little pissed off at having some vacuous talking head introduce an Encore Presentation when we all know what they’re really talking about is a rerun.

It cheapens the word, debases the language and fools no one. Besides, it demeans well-planned encores performed by rock bands capitulating to the metronomic chants of frenzied crowds longing to hear one last song.

Having said that, my head feels like it’s full of pudding. So here’s an encore presentation. Sue me.

I had a dream. Me and Martin. Council for the Resort Principality of Whistler had debated and unanimously – oh yeah, it must have been a dream – passed a new by-law. It read, in part:

WHEREAS Whistler is peopled largely by thrill-seeking, athletic, hedonistic, transient youths, especially the ones who have lived here long enough to grow old without noticing; and,

WHEREAS Visitors to Whistler go out of their way to engage in activities they wouldn’t even think of doing at home and for which they have neither the skills nor the requisite degree of physical fitness; and,

WHEREAS many of the people described above – particularly in paragraph II – live under the delusion that any harm visited upon them must be somebody else’s fault; and,

WHEREAS there are too damn many lawyers in the world, particularly the USofA, particularly who work on a contingency basis and advertise on tasteless billboards along the Interstate that say: "BEEN HURT? SUE THE BASTARDS!", and;

WHEREAS everyone operating a tourist-oriented business in Whistler is offering the chance to engage in an activity potentially harmful to the participants mental, physical or economic health,

IT IS HEREBY PROCLAIMED that Whistler is an inherently risky resort municipality. All people living in or entering the boundaries of Whistler hereby assume all risks arising out of any and all activities engaged in by themselves or others for the duration of their stay, including, but not limited to, just passing through town.

At both ends of the resort boundaries, large signs were erected on Highway 99, one after another, each carrying one of the Whereases and the Hereby Proclaimed. And, like shrink wrapping on software, the final sign in the series stated that by passing it, you agreed to be bound by the terms and conditions outlined, otherwise, you should turn around immediately and seek another internationally famous resort municipality to spend your recess at.

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