By G.D. Maxwell
Welcome to Spring Break!
If you live in Whistler, youre probably thinking, "Hey, didnt we have spring break during the entire month of February?" Yes. Yes we did. And you can be understandably forgiven for wondering why in the world winters following spring this year. But this column isnt for you.
This is the one I write every year to be nice to the tourists. The one I write to keep from getting those nasty letters Peter Vogler used to get whenever hed get frustrated and let slip our dirty little secret what a royal pain in the collective keester they can all get to be around this time of year. It was the second best thing I ever learned from him.
So Welcome! If youre from the Old Country Ontario youre just wrapping up your Spring Break and probably too bleary-eyed to even read this. Have a nice flight home. Thanks for coming. And remember to keep saying to yourself, "I had a great time in Whistler" when the credit card bills come in next month. We preciate it.
But if youre from B.C., hey baby, the partys just starting.
Now, everyone knows if youre between the ages of 18 and 30 and single what the ski industry likes to call the Redemption Generation and what Whistler condo owners whore hoping to sell you their condo when their knees give out like to call Suckers: The Next Generation youre only here for two reasons: sliding down the hill during the day and sliding into the sack sometime before the sun comes up. In other words, to get laid. And lets be frank; all the skiing and boarding, all the partying and merry-making is really just pretext for the real reason youre here: getting laid.
And for those of you who, shall we say, fall on the older side of that demographic and have opted to spend a Family Vacation in Whistler with the kids, try to remember this: you got yourself into this predicament because some time in the past you successfully got laid during Spring Break. So cut the yahoos some slack when they wake you up at 2 a.m. puking outside your condo on the way home from Moe Joes. Theyre just the losers going back to their rooms by themselves and lets be honest, they probably remind you of yourself not so long ago. As for you young hooligans disdainfully looking at these upstanding citizens with kids: dont say I didnt warn you. Its not like we havent figured out where they come from.