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Maxed Out

Getting exercised over democracy

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By G.D. Maxwell

Hey Boys and Girls, it’s time for another Exercise in Democracy here in Lotusland. That’s right, Uncle Ujji’s finally decided no time is a good time to lead his party into oblivion so he might as well do it now, in the Spring of Frozen Rain, and at least give himself the summer to have some fun and look for a new job.

If this is news to you, you’re not alone. There are, as I write this, sitting members of the current NDP provincial government who are unaware an election’s been called. That’s because, in the long tradition of the NDP, they never listen to anything their leader says unless the message comes wrapped in untraceable bills.

Popular belief – at least among the half dozen or so people actually watching this election with any interest at all – has it the NDP will not only lose this election, they will lose on a scale so massive their loss will make the annihilation of the federal Progressive Conservative party in 1993 look like a victory.

How massive? Imagine a world without the NDP. No not Ottawa, although you could be forgiven for thinking we already live in a world without the NDP. Imagine all 79 seats in Victoria being held by the likes of Gordo Campbell, Ted Nebbeling and Gordon Wilson. What’s that you say? Gordon Wilson’s an NDP cabinet minister. Give him time. He’s never met a party he didn’t like. I’m sure he’ll find a way that makes perfect sense to suddenly appear in the Liberal caucus.

As much as I’d rather clean out the shed, wash the windows with my tongue, eat tofu or finish a rhyming quatrain beginning with the line, "There’s nothing so round as an orange." I feel duty-bound to say at least a few words about the coming election on May 16 th .

Why bother?

Given Gordo’s strategy of saying nothing – lest he prove what many already suspect about him being an experiment gone awry in artificial life forms – the likelihood of the Liberals winning the election is, according to statisticians at Simon Fraser University who have painstakingly modelled voter trends, weather patterns and the probability of Glen Clark doin’ time in the joint for his shenanigans, "a lead-pipe cinch." Short of having sex with a chicken live on the Liberal Party Web site and thereby alienating the poultry vote, Gordo’s a shoo-in to be the province’s next leader.

Be that as it may, it is every citizen’s duty, regardless how uninformed or disinterested they are, to vote. Given the expected outcome, you may well believe your individual vote is about as important in the overall scheme of things as your opinion on the 2010 Olympic bid is to our local council. Well, I’m here to tell you... you’re right.

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