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Lovers and other strangers



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For some reason my friends seem to labour under the impression that I am incapable of forming any serious romantic entanglements. To make matters worse I have noticed that in the past year a disturbing number of them have made serious commitments of their own. (How many is a disturbing number? Well, roughly all.) Honestly I don’t see what the big deal is, I mean how hard can it be if you really put your mind to it? You meet someone, find out if you have anything in common with them, say I love you and get hitched.

"If it’s so easy then why don’t you do it smart guy?" I’m sure a few of you are wondering. Well like I said I plan to try, but I realize it may require some help, so I decide to check out Love Nest – I mean come on, Love Nest, it’s their business. If they can’t help me then nobody can.

Once there I meet the very friendly Tanya. I inform her of my quest and ask if she has anything that might be helpful – love potions, aphrodisiacs, maybe an inflatable blond. She suggest pheromone cologne.

"It has natural pheromones that make you irresistible to the opposite sex," she tells me.

Okay, sounds good to me. I try a test spray; to me it just smells like Dakar Noir which, considering the homoerotic imagery they use in their adds, may not be the image I want to project.

"So what do you think?" I ask Tanya. "Do you find me irresistible?" (Notice how I managed to avoid the obvious Austin Powers line here.)

"No, but I’m already involved with someone so it probably won’t work on me."

I’m a little doubtful about her reaction to the pheromones and their potency, but I’m curious about her romantic entanglement, thinking maybe I could learn something here.

"So how did you meet?" I ask.

"We started as friends." (Friends first, this is good, I can use this stuff.) "It was really casual to start with and you know, it just evolved."

"So is there anything in particular that he says or does that melts your heart, so to speak," I ask, hoping for a good line that I might use myself.