I’m in Love with 2 Fat Boys By Ace MacKay-Smith Yes, it’s true... and I love them both equally. I think I treat them fine, although some would argue that I use them too much. I did cheat three times with my skinny exs, but I regretted it. I think the fat boys forgave me because when I went out with them again they performed beautifully... no hard feelings. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Well, everyone is already familiar with their suitability for the soft stuff and, believe me, it’s not overrated. They allow you to sink in just deep enough to get face shots without the danger of hooking your tips. With this comes the ability to go faster than ever before. We’re talking big, smooth, fast arcs like those guys that sport the baggy-crotched pants. They allow you to enjoy the ride without any hang-ups, surfing the swells. On a recent magazine photo shoot I was partnered with a very competent male for various duo shots. After a couple of days of shooting he was actually having trouble keeping up to me a female, no less! Therefore, this particular male was inquiring as to the availability of some fat boys for himself, even though he had made fun of mine on the first day. He was sold. Even though you can go faster, the fat boys will allow you to last for hours! Not only will you be completely satisfied, but you will have ride after ride of ecstatic vertical. You can last longer, keeping up a higher level of performance. Even if you haven’t been out for a while you’ll feel right at home the minute you get back with these boys. No awkward moments. The fat boys love the wet stuff. If you live on the West Coast you’ll know what I’m talking about. As the day goes on, the wetter it tends to get. The fat boys plane better in these slippery conditions and give a more consistent ride. When I have a lapse in concentration, my knees are not being yanked out to the side in the mush stuff. On the first day when you usually have to be careful with your skinnies, you won’t have to worry with the fatties. They don’t let you bottom out. They rarely bump against the base, so you don’t have to watch the sidewalls. You can kick back and relax, no apprehensive thoughts of damage. You can even jump on the fat boys and chances are neither of you will get hurt. A bigger platform makes for a reliable, erect landing. The most I’ve gotten is a spanking if I sat back a little too far on the take-off. I could go on and on but I think in order to really understand what I’m talking about, you should experience a pair of your own. When picking up your fat boys I have a few suggestions on what to look for. Unless you have unlimited access to virgin areas of fresh untracked, I think you’d need a pair that can handle a variety of common situations (ie. groomed, etc.) First, I would suggest choosing ones that have a slight hourglass shape, a nice sidecut. If they’re too straight they won’t be any fun. Secondly, pick a pair that are a little longer than has been suggested. If you’re going to infiltrate the well-groomed areas you’ll want your fat boys to be close, in height, to the skinnies. I have 200 cm skinnies and 190 cm fatties. Thirdly, and the hottest tip of all, mount your fat boys on the inside edge. You’ll have all the benefits that a fat boy is famous for and they’ll perform just as well on the groomed, where skinnies tend to excel. I will warn you that since this is a fairly new idea you’ll be chided by the ignorant. They may tell you that you’re too young to be out with the fat boys. Never mind. Why wouldn’t you want to use the best tool for the job? Tell them it’s just like the big-headed tennis rackets that arrived on the scene. You’re not slacking off in any way, it’s just that now you can hit the ball harder and faster. In fact, it’s elevated my level of play. If I’m not out with a single guy wearing my soft boots then you’ll most likely catch me with my fat boys. They’re fund to ride and, contrary to the cliché, I would want to be seen riding them.