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Free will astrology

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I really thought I'd understand sex better by now. After all these years of doing it and studying it and thinking about it and talking about it, I still can't regard myself as a master of the subject. The kundalini's uncanny behavior continues to surprise me, perplex me, and thrill me with ever-new revelations. Just when I imagine I've figured out how it all works, I'm delivered to some fresh mystery. How about you, Sagittarius? Judging by the current astrological omens, I'm guessing you're due for a round of novel revelations about the nature of eros. As long as you keep an open mind, open heart, and open libido, it should all be pretty interesting.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A few years ago, Eve Ensler took her famous play "The Vagina Monologues" to Pakistan. She and a group of local Muslim actresses wowed a crowd in Islamabad with discourses on vibrators, menstruation, and "triple orgasms." I invite and encourage you to try something equally brave in the coming weeks, Capricorn. Give your spiel to a new audience; take your shtick to a wild frontier; show who you really are to important people who don't know the truth yet.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): When my "macho feminist" memoir The Televisionary Oracle was published in 2000, I suffered from comical delusions about its chances for mainstream acceptance. For example, I tried to get a review in The New York Times. As I know now, that had as much likelihood of happening as me travelling to the moon in a rainbow canoe carried by magical flying mermaids. But in lieu of that kind of recognition, others arrived. One of my favorites: my book went along for the ride with a group of goddess-worshipers on a spiritual tour to the ancient matriarchal city of Catal Huyuk in Turkey. They read my writing aloud to each other, amused and entertained. I suspect you will soon have a similar experience, Aquarius: having to "settle for" a soulful acknowledgment that's different from what your ego thought it wanted. Take it from me: that's actually better.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): My favorite plant food for my African violets is a natural fertilizer called Big Bloom. One of its key ingredients - the stuff that makes it so effective - is bat guano. I'd like to suggest that you're about due to embark on the Big Blooming phase of your own cycle, Pisces. And it's more likely to reach its deserved pinnacle of fertility if you're willing to summon just a hint of bat-sh** craziness from the depths of your subconscious mind. But remember: just a dollop, not a giant heap.

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