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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It's an ideal time for you to explore the intimate wonders of ecosexuality. Nature's libidinous pleasures are calling to you. How about trying some erotic experiments with trees and waterfalls? Or skinny-dipping in wetlands and doing skyclad seduction dances for the clouds? Or making out with oyster mushrooms right where they grow up out of a fallen log? APRIL FOOL! It's true that this is a good time to expand your sexual repertoire and seek out new sensations of intimate bliss, but it's quite possible to accomplish that by confining your erotic communion to human beings.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The astrological omens are practically screaming for you to go out and buy a luxurious new home in your ideal neighborhood. Preferably it should have every feature you've ever dreamed about, whether that's a cinema-scale theater room or a spa with a sauna and hot tub. If you have to go deep into debt to make this happen, that's fine. APRIL FOOL! I lied, sort of. It is an excellent time for you to upgrade your domestic scene, either by making comfortable and attractive changes in the decor of your current home or by enhancing your relationships with your family and roommates. But there's no need to make crazy expenditures that will cripple you financially. In fact, cheap is probably better. That's what the astrological omens are really suggesting.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18 ): It's absolutely critical for you to be consistent and uniform right now. You must be pure, homogeneous, and regular. Don't you dare dabble with anything that's even vaguely miscellaneous. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was a lie. In astrological fact, the best way to thrive is by being a cross between a mishmash and a medley . . . by being part hodgepodge and part amalgamation. Your strongest impact will come from blending the most diverse influences. The best elixir will result from mixing several different potions.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I hope you take full advantage of this unusual moment in your astrological cycle, Pisces. According to my interpretation of the cosmic signs, it's prime time to unleash an ocean of tears. And not just the kind of moisture that wells up out of sadness, either. I hope you will give even more time to crying because of unreasonable joy, sobbing due to cathartic epiphanies, weeping out of compassion for the suffering of others, and blubbering activated by visions of the interconnectedness of all life. Let it flow! APRIL FOOL! I slightly overstated the possibilities. Yes, it will be a wonderful time to feel profound states of emotion and surrender to the tears they induce. But you need to get a few things done, too, so don't risk drowning.