By Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): To manufacture one penny, the U.S. Treasury spends 1.4 cents. To process petroleum for use in operating a car, the oil industry expends 20 percent more energy than the gasoline yields. These are the kinds of situations you've urgently got to avoid in the coming week, Aries. You need to get substantially more out of any project than what you put into it. So choose your fuel wisely. Be resourceful in your push for greater efficiency.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The outsourcing of fortune-telling is well underway. Psychics and astrologers from India have been showering me with email invitations to take advantage of their services. "By the grace of the towering flames of goodness that burn the roof of our temple," said one, "we have pledged to slave away our lives to cause the happy encroachment of bubbling karma on your masterful head. We will coax and guide the effects of various planets on the living accidents of your health so as to ease your slippery ride." I suspect you'll soon get puzzling offers of help like this, Taurus. You may even be given gifts you can barely make sense of and receive blessings that seem irrelevant or unlike anything you imagined you needed. My advice: Don't ignore them. They will ultimately turn out to be quite useful.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): If I were you, I'd pursue other adventures besides hanging from a cliff by my fingernails and sweating bullets. But if that kind of thing really gets you off and teaches you the lessons you think you need, I'll give you my grudging astrological permission to continue—providing that you stop no later than May 20. But if you'd consider trying some less manic and more constructive ways to explore your heroic urges, I have a few suggestions. You could wrestle the angels who will only give you their gifts if you fight for them. You could break off relations with green-eyed monsters and yellow-bellied soul-suckers. Or you could dive into the abyss and try to retrieve the treasure that got hurled down into the muck some time back.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): What is the holiest river in the world? Some might say the Ganges in India. Others would propose the Jordan River or the River Nile. But in accordance with current astrological omens, I say the holiest river is the one that's closest to where you are right now. Your assignment is to go to that river and commune with it. Throw something valuable into it as an offering, and ask it to teach you how to feel more reverence and amazement and curiosity for everything in your life. By the time we meet here next week, I hope you will have walked on holy streets, praised holy people, hugged holy trees, kissed holy ground, and even shopped at holy stores.