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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Want to supercharge your luck in
2009? Get yourself some vivid new superstitions. The more outrageous they are,
the more likely it is they'll generate lots of crazy sweet karma. You might
want to draw inspiration from pro football player John Henderson, for instance,
who swears he can trick destiny into working in his favor if his trainer smacks
him in the face before each game. Former hockey player Bruce Gardiner might
also be a worthy role model. To rev up his good fortune, he always shoved his
hockey stick into a toilet prior to skating out onto the ice. JUST KIDDING,
Sagittarius! In fact, I hope you will make 2009 your least superstitious year
ever. Let's drink a toast to lucid logic, impeccable objectivity, and cool,
clean reason! Add some compassionate sarcasm and loving satire into the mix,
and you will generate lots of crazy sweet karma.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The most expensive bat mitzvah in
history took place at New York's Rainbow Room in November 2005. David Brooks, a
billionaire defense contractor, spent $10 million on his daughter's rite of
passage. Among the stars he hired to perform at the bash were Aerosmith, Tom
Petty, Nelly, and 50 Cent. Promise me, Capricorn, that if you get wealthy in the
coming year, you won't blow your money on ridiculous "luxuries" like
that. Here's a secret: The more high-minded you are in cultivating your dreams,
the greater the likelihood is that you'll get richer quicker.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Imagine you're driving down a very
wide highway that's 50 lanes across even though there are no lines dividing one
lane from another. Speed limit signs aren't posted, and some vehicles are
zipping along in zigzag paths at over 100 mph while others crawl along like
old-lady turtles. Now and then you've got to weave your way through a congested
area where many on-ramps all feed into the road simultaneously. You haven't
seen an off-ramp yet, and you're not sure where to get off anyway. I figure,
Aquarius, that 2008 had some resemblance to the scenario I just described.
Luckily, I predict that no later than your birthday, you will find an off-ramp
and exit onto an uncluttered backroad with great scenery.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "How do you slay the
dragon?" journalist Bill Moyers asked mythologist Joseph Campbell in an
interview. By "dragon," he was referring to the dangerous beast that
symbolizes the most unripe and uncontrollable part of each of our lives. In
reply to Moyers, Campbell didn't suggest that you become a master warrior, nor
did he recommend that you cultivate high levels of sleek, savage anger.
"Follow your bliss," he said simply. Personally, I don't know if
that's enough to slay the dragon -- I'm inclined to believe that you also have
to take some defensive measures -- but it's definitely worth an extended
experiment. Would you consider trying that in 2009?