ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Ambition is a bad excuse for not having enough good sense to be lazy," my ex-girlfriend Arlene used to say. She claimed to be a Zen master whose duty it was to deprogram me out of my absurd striving to make something of myself. She believed the key to enlightenment was to do nothing as much as possible. "You're egotistically attached to your identity as a poet," she'd yell into my room as I toiled over my writing. "Come out here and show me you have the spiritual guts to sit in front of the TV and lose your grandiose self in a meaningless game show." While I did eventually emerge from our relationship with an appreciation for the value of emptiness, it was not ultimately my destiny to downplay ambition. On the contrary! Which is why I'm here to exhort you, Aries, to treat your desires as sacred rocket fuel — in 2008, more than ever. In the coming months, in accordance with your astrological omens, I will intensify my efforts to supercharge your ambition.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices," said author Laurence J. Peter.
One of your top assignments in 2008 will be to prove him wrong. I hope that you
will aggressively pursue a more authentic form of higher learning in numerous
ways, from exploring the frontiers of your world to reading more good books to
seeking out the company of original thinkers. I trust that as you expose
yourself to novel data and expansive perspectives, you will get your mind blown
over and over again.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): How do you numb your pain, Gemini? In 2008, I suggest that you do that less than you ever have before. Instead, launch a fierce, relentless campaign to heal the pain so that you no longer have to numb it. The astrological omens say that if you establish that as your intention, you will attract into your life the helpers and inspiration you need to make it happen. More than that: You'll be likely to generate the kind of good fortune that will render at least some of the pain obsolete.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): You worked your ass off in 2007. Am I right, my fellow Cancerian? In fact, you threw yourself into your hard labors with so much dutiful fervor that you sometimes lost sight of the fact that they were mostly just preparation for bigger and better assignments. Luckily for you, I'm here to snap you out of your amnesia. Please begin immediately to formulate a vision of how you will make the transition to those bigger and better assignments.