By Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Hundreds of years ago, the Native American tribe known as the Seneca had a rule of thumb about when to sow corn seed. You had to wait until the weather was warm enough to lie naked in the dirt without discomfort. I believe a similar principle applies to your plans to start a certain new enterprise, Aries. Hold off on the launch until you're able to take off all your clothes in a natural setting and stretch out on the ground without shivering.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It has been too long since you visited the Middle of Nowhere. You've been a fixture in the heart of a well-defined Somewhere for quite some time. But now, Taurus, you need the enriching confusion of the Cosmic HUH?! it's prime time for you to wander out into the fertile chaos of the WHAT THE HELL!? zone. Have fun! Don't forget to writhe! Now please repeat and repeat and repeat after me, slowly building from a smirking giggle to a cackling belly-laugh, WHERE AM I AND HOW DID I GET HERE?!
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): This would be a good week to take a class at clown school, give out free ice cream to the underprivileged, or sing show tunes to a captive audience at a retirement home. In fact, the cosmos will be very favorably disposed toward you if you do anything to increase the pleasure you bring other people. Here are some other ways you might proceed: Listen raptly to allies who've lost their way; think deeply about what a loved one needs most; deliver sincere praise to people you've never praised before; say a rowdy prayer for an acquaintance who could use a jolt of inspiration; or do a good deed anonymously, ensuring that the recipient of your blessing doesn't know who gave it.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Charles Darwin called Thomas Malthus a "great philosopher," and said his theory of evolution was based on Malthus' ideas. Yet Malthus advocated genocidal measures to control population growth. In "Essay on the Principle of Population," Malthus wrote: "Instead of recommending cleanliness to the poor, we should encourage contrary habits. In our towns we should make the streets narrower, crowd more people into houses, and court the return of the plague. In the country, we should build villages near stagnant pools, and encourage settlement in marshy and unwholesome situations." So the evidence is clear that Darwin's theories had a grotesque pedigree. Should we therefore dismiss them altogether? Not necessarily. What's useful is not always derived from what's good. Is there a comparable situation in your own life, Cancerian? Are there essentials you benefit from even though their origins are problematical? The time is ripe for coming to terms with weirdness like that.