By Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Dear Rob: When my wife got
pregnant, she was warned that one side effect might be that her feet would grow
a bit. She's now a few months along, and while her feet remain a dainty size 7,
my own feet have expanded from size 12 to 13! I've heard husbands sometimes
have sensations that parallel their pregnant wives' symptoms, but this is
crazy, don't you think? -Vicarious Aries." Dear Vicarious: You Rams are in
a phase when your ability to share the feelings and experiences of others is at
a peak. I suggest you take advantage of this opening to supercharge your
empathy and get closer to your loved ones than you've ever dared.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The new CEO of soft drink giant
PepsiCo is Indra Nooyi, striking a modest but significant blow for female
equality in the business world. That's the good news. The bad news? Pepsi is a
terrible product that rots teeth, has no nutritional value, and contributes to
the obesity epidemic. Keep this in mind as you carry out your assignment in the
coming week, Taurus. Fight and claw and scheme and dream to raise up the power
of the feminine (yes, even if you're a man), but only if it's a version of the
feminine that raises up everyone and everything else, too.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "It was like a masquerade
festival at eternal midnight," says a character named Flux in Antero
Alli's magical realist movie
"with everyone throwing off mask after mask and never getting to the bottom."
That description has a resemblance to what your life has been like lately,
Gemini. Any day now, however, that will change. The last masks will finally
come off. All will stand revealed. You'll get to the bottom of the core
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Get a hold of some of that
million-year-old salt from the Himalayas and use it to season your food. Maybe
you'd like to sample the Chinese delicacy know as thousand-year-old duck eggs.
Wash it all down with the beer from Greenland that's made of 2,000-year-old
water obtained from melted glaciers. By doing these things, you'd symbolically
imbibe ancient purity, pristine rawness, and the wildest spirits of nature.
That would be right in alignment with what the astrological omens say you need.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Sunny Sky's is an ice cream store in
North Carolina that sells a flavor called Cold Sweat, which is made with three
varieties of hot peppers and two kinds of hot sauce. It's sweet and creamy and
cool and spicy and prickly and fiery all at the same time—kind of like
what I foresee for you in the coming week, Leo. To get the most out of this
extravagantly paradoxical time, I suggest you take small bites. And please wait
a while following each new mouthful to see what the after-effect is before you
load up on more.