ARIES (March 21-April 19): You had to take the test before you got a chance to study more than a couple of the lessons. Does that seem fair? Hell, no. That's the bad news. The good news is that this test was merely a rehearsal for a more important and inclusive exam, which is still some weeks in the future. Here's even better news: The teachings that you will need to master before then are flowing your way, and will continue to do so in abundance. Apply yourself with diligence, Aries. You have a lot to learn, but luckily, you have enough time to get fully prepared.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Let's see if you know what these exquisitely individuated luminaries have in common: Salvador Dali, Martha Graham, Stephen Colbert, David Byrne, Maya Deren, Malcolm X, Willie Nelson, Bono, Dennis Hopper, Cate Blanchett, George Carlin, Tina Fey, Sigmund Freud. Give up? They are or were all Tauruses. Would you characterize any of them as sensible, materialistic slowpokes obsessed with comfort and security, as many traditional astrology texts describe Tauruses? Nope. They were or are distinctive innovators with unique style and creative flair. They are your role models as you cruise through the current phase of maximum self-expression.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In December 1946, three Bedouin shepherds were tending their flock near the Dead Sea. They found a cave with a small entrance. Hoping it might contain treasure hidden there long ago, they wanted to explore it. The smallest of the three managed to climb through the narrow opening. He brought out a few dusty old scrolls in ceramic jars. The shepherds were disappointed. But eventually the scrolls were revealed to be one of the most important finds in archaeological history: the first batch of what has come to be known as the Dead Sea Scrolls. Keep this story in mind, Gemini. I suspect a metaphorically similar tale may unfold for you soon. A valuable discovery may initially appear to you in a form you're not that excited about.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): The devil called together a committee meeting of his top assistants. He was displeased. Recruitments of people born under the sign of Cancer had fallen far below projected totals. "It's unacceptable," the dark lord fumed. "Those insufferable Crabs have been too mentally healthy lately to be tantalized by our lies. Frankly, I'm at wit's end. Any suggestions?" His marketing expert said, "Let's redouble our efforts to make them buy into the hoax about the world ending on December 21, 2012." The executive vice-president chimed in: "How about if we play on their fears about running out of what they need?" The chief of intelligence had an idea, too: "I say we offer them irrelevant goodies that tempt them away from their real goals."