ARIES (March 21-April 19): The 19th-century Italian composer Gioachino Rossini was a prolific creator who produced 39 operas. Renowned for his lyrical melodies, he was sometimes referred to as the "Italian Mozart." So confident was he in his abilities that he bragged he could set a laundry list to music. I trust you will have comparable aplomb in the coming weeks, Aries, since you will be asked to do the equivalent of composing an opera using a laundry list for inspiration. This will be a different challenge than making lemonade out of lemons, but it could be even more fun and interesting.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? Or is its more vivid hue just an optical illusion caused by your inability to see the situation objectively? Judging from my analysis of your current astrological omens, I suspect that you're not deluded. The grass really is greener. But it's important to note the reason why this is true, which is that there's more manure over on the other side of the fence. So your next question becomes: Are you willing to put up with more crap in order to get the benefits of the greener grass?
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You know the voice in your head that's kind of a sneaky bastard? The voice that sometimes feeds you questionable advice and unreliable theories? Well, I suspect that this voice might be extra active in the coming week. But here's the weird thing: It might actually have a sound idea or two for you to consider acting on. For once, its counsel may be based on accurate intuition. So don't completely lower your guard, Gemini. Maintain a high degree of discernment towards the sneaky bastard's pronouncements. But also be willing to consider the possibility that this generator of so much mischief could at least temporarily be a source of wisdom.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): We keep million-dollar works of art in well-guarded museums. Paintings created hundreds of years ago are treated with reverence and protected as if they were magical treasures. Meanwhile, beautiful creatures that took nature eons to produce don't get the same care. At least 5,000 animal and plant species are going extinct every year, in large part due to human activities. Among the recently lost works of art are the Madeiran Large White butterfly, West African black rhinoceros, Formosan clouded leopard, golden toad, and Tecopa pupfish. I'm asking you not to allow a similar discrepancy in your own life, Cancerian. The astrological omens say that now is a perfect moment to intensify your love for the natural world. I urge you to meditate on how crucial it is to nurture your interconnectedness with all of life, not just the civilized part.