By Zippy the Dog
As told to G.D. Maxwell
Photos by Dog Cam
It all started innocently enough. "Load up. Were goin for a ride."
I like car rides. Truck rides too. Im not one of those dogs who cower and snivel at the thought of jumping into a car. Im always ready to go. Cars dont smell right unless Ive been in them though.
Ive heard stories from other dogs about car rides that went bad but I cant say thats been my experience. Well, maybe one ride. Im still not sure exactly what happened. We went to see the funny smelling guy who pokes and prods me. I was woozy for a day or two and it hurt like the dickens back between my hind legs for a while. No long term effect though, least not as far as I can tell.
Other than that, car rides have been great. In fact, Im a pretty well-travelled dog. Ive been to the ocean the water tastes funny and Ive been to the desert. What kind of sick joke is that place for someone who wears fur? Swam in lots of lakes, waded in lots of streams, climbed a few mountains. Never gotten sick and lost my kibble, never been forced to hold it so long I had to water the carpet or back seat. Yup, you could say Im a wanderin fool.
But that ride, and a few that followed, coulda put any dog off gettin into cars.
What twisted mind thought up obedience school anyway?
I guess wed better get one thing straight from the outset. Yes, I am a dog. Zippy the Dog. Zippity Doo Dawg if you can believe my full name. Im a Lab.
And yes, I understand your language. Deal with it. Fact is, most of us well not those little fluffy things that look more like fashion accessories than dogs understand human barking. And Ill let you in on a secret: you folks think way too much. And you talk even more than you think. Bad person. Bad, bad person.
But dogs, for the most part, are way too smart to let you in on our secret. We start talkin to you or pretend we understand what youre barkin about, next thing you know, youll be expecting way too much from us. Why spoil a good thing? Besides, dogs understand each other and carry on rich conversations among ourselves. Its not our fault if youre too speciescentric to get with the program.
So why, youre probably asking yourself, have I broken the code of silence? I had to. I owe it to my fellow dogs. That and the slave what kind of pathetic delusion is this "Master" stuff anyway who takes care of me keeps going on about making me get a job every time he sees Dogs With Jobs on television. As if. Im a sporting breed, not a working breed. How hard is that to understand?