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Dog Poo for Dummies

(C’mon people, it’s not that hard!)


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It's a beautiful sunny spring day in Whistler, perfect for a dog walk. You head down the valley trail and laugh as you watch your dogs frolic like a couple of double-dipping bankers on Wall Street.

The melting snow banks sparkle in the sun, and you realize that you truly do live in "The Best Place On Earth" (a license plate in the parking lot said so). Until you spot it. Large, steaming piles of it, all over the valley trail.

Yup, dog shit and lots of it. You quickly check your pockets to make sure you have poop bags in case your dog drops a load, and then wonder why you bother. No one else seems to, well, give a crap, so what's the point? Why, just yesterday you watched an unattended, large-sphinctered canine evacuate his bowels in the children's playground and angrily wondered what you could do to send a message to the lazy owners.

Like follow the dog home with the fragrant pile in a shovel, leave it on the owner's front porch in a brown paper bag, set it on fire and ring the door bell. Yeah that's it! You'll become the new superhero "Dog Poop Vigilante Girl" and be celebrated by grateful neighbours far and wide...

But of course you don't because you might get caught. And you're in your forties.

With the spring thaw the problem is brutally apparent, the retreating snow revealing the craps of Christmas past. It's truly disgusting.

It's so bad in fact that my neighbourhood looks as if a large band of incontinent nomads packed up their tents and moved on.

Sadly, it's not much better anywhere in the valley and I'm not the only one that's pissed off. Angry letters are appearing in the paper, ranting articles (one just last week) and handwritten signs admonishing dog owners to pick up are appearing along the valley trail. If you bring up the subject at any gathering you're suddenly inundated by frustrated people that want to form a gang, hunt down the guilty parties and pelt them with doodie. 
(Dogs themselves must find the situation amusing. I worked with a comedian once who had a great joke about it. He says: "It must really confuse the dogs. You spend all this time training them to poo outside, then you go out with them, and then, then you pick it up! The dog must be thinking, well, heck if you want it, why don't I just shit inside?")

So why do so many people not pick up their dog's poo? It's blatantly obvious that it's the mannerly and hygienic thing to do. There's enough signs, bag dispensers, and ads in the newspaper to choke a dumpster. After extensive research around town and trudging through many kilometres of trails, I've discovered why. Here they are.