I'm a glass half full kind of guy, unless the glass is very small and half full of very good scotch, in which case I start worrying whether I can top up my half empty glass. But half a glass of Major Harper's haven't-we-seen-this-nightmare-before policies is half a glass more than I want to gag down.
Well, suck it up, buttercup. Ontario did what Ontario has done so many times before - voted like sheep. The muttonheads delivered Pudge to the gates of Valhalla while their unwitting accomplices in Quebec sunk Iggy's leaky raft somewhere in the middle of the River of Styx.
"What the heck," said a half inebriated friend watching the doom come to light half a second after the polls closed in Lotusland, "How much damage can he do in four years."
The rest of the room, not having drunk so much, replied instantly, in unison, "George Bush!" He exited quickly to vomit.
Okay, so it's not that bad. Let's be honest. While Harpo seems like a war-mongering, deficit-loving, prison-building, earth-raping, corporate-toadying kind of guy in our pinko commie eyes, south of the border even the progressive Democrats would think he was way too socialist to get elected in the Home 'o' the Brave.
Yes, he's going to squander obscene amounts of dollars to build new prisons and get tough on imaginary crime to pander to his base, people who watch too much local if-it-bleeds-it-leads news on their televisions and think the criminals are running loose in the streets of their neighbourhoods, invading homes, bludgeoning folks like themselves or spraying local schoolyards with machinegun fire. No amount of empirical data showing there's less crime now than there was back in the day are going to convince those folks - and some of his cabinet ministers - things weren't better and more peaceful in the good old days when everyone was white and hetero.
And yes, he'll continue to aid and abet the real criminals, like his brethren south of the border. You know the desperados, the ones in suits and ties, packin' briefcases instead of heat. Just as surely as if they wore masks and brandished guns, they'll manage to continue the inexorable transfer of wealth from us to them, siphoned off through the tax code, corporate welfare schemes, voodoo economics and ponzi schemes while they tell us muttonheads we'll all be better off when the loose change trickles down and we can grub in the dirt for it. Note to self: buy more bank and energy stock if there's anything left after paying taxes.
And I believe Harpo when he says he'll be there for health care. He's committed to continuing funding the overburdened, limping system of hope-and-wait care. But being a firm believer in the power of markets to do no wrong and a champion of free enterprise, what harm can there be in exploring increased private health care? Heck, a little profit motive never hurt anyone, did it? What's the worst that could happen? Shorter wait times for those who can afford to jump the queue? Look on the bright side; it'll make wait times for the rest of us shorter... unless more docs decide to become entrepreneurs, in which case.... Hmmm, I wonder.